Thinking....

This post is just for me...I feel confused about what to do with this summer. Originally I was alright with just our farm fresh, "organic" gardening. But since the boyfriend thing and other thoughts I have floating around my mind and book publishing. I'm not sure it's healthy to be around my Dad for this long in this close of quarters. I mean I'm independent and so is everyone in our family, so strange topics come up that bother me around here.

 It's better when we're busy, but lately even our busy is around one another and it's wearing on me a little. I don't want to hate him and 5 or 6 years ago I was so frustrated at him I was close to pure hate and that's not right, my fam means so so much to me. Right now I'm also in between phones and he's driving me crazy convinced I need to use his phone to talk to my boyfriend, uggghhhh this might sound whiny but you'd have to know him, if you use something of his or he helps in some way, you're likely to never hear the end of it....

Other thoughts I've had is I got to finish my educational crap. I'd like to do some accredited online stuff for various degrees, and being home makes it easier, but sometimes I'm not sure it's worth it.
I want to see the ocean again, I want to live in Hawaii for a couple years, and I want to finish my book, I keep trying to stay focused on if I finish the book and it does sort of well, I could fuel my other plans and hopes, buy a house in Hawaii.
Then I feel stressed cause if things keep going ok with my boyfriend, would I be expected to just move to his place or does he want to move into my area? I dunno and I don't want to talk to him yet about it... we're only almost to 6 months of dating but our relationship is different since I've known him my whole life more or less. so we're closer in a different way then most people do. And I'm not 100% sure I want to move to where he lives, I mean I love the mountains, but it's  freezing and you can't grow plants, he doesn't like traveling in the way I do, I don't think he has any desire to go to Hawaii, he's not into other countries either, traveling to them, which is one of my dreams...lots of thoughts on top of all that, there's a lot of stress in my current home as two of my sisters are having boyfriend stresses themselves, making mine look pretty pathetic.

Mainly this post looks like I'm complaining and bitching, and actually I try to stay positive as much as possible, I mean even while writing this, I try to find the good things about my situation, it's just frustrating...

I hope things become clearer to me and I'm able to accomplish something in my life...

Hello
Quick update to say weekly goals didn't go according to plan. Went and stayed with boyfriend and now he's here for a few days, helping with work.
But oh well no need to feel down. We had a great time despite frigid mountain temperatures, including walking atop frozen drifts of snow, I haven't done that since about age 10...Maybe if that....
Been having thoughts though again, some anxiety of things I need to get done, studying that needs to be done, writing and was having some thoughts of moving. I don't know if I would, but it keeps popping up.

Weekly Goals 9th to 15th

Just doing another post for weekly goals, feel free to skip this post

#Study (would like to get in more like 12 hours in, minimum of 8 hours)

#Go to the gym  (I'm very active but sometimes my activity is like walking, or jogging near where I live and the gym is 15 minutes away)

#Get my HS card done with

#Shop for tires for my vehicle

#book editing & writing

#squeeze in some higher cardio workouts

#If weather permits do something with my horse

#Hang up my frame from my buddy

Sunday In Photos

Just a photo update from my Sunday, It's been a good day all in all... we had breakfast, I made some delicious french toast and an egg, which I never normally have. I adore my elk cup so much from my boyfriend. Gosh I haven't seen him for a full week now. But I should get to see him on tuesday maybe I don't know, hope so. I feel stressed today again blaaaah sometimes I hate Sunday. and I shouldn't word it like that, I really dislike it, unless I'm working out or doing something physical.

I was really proud today though. I was really close to ordering a new weekly planner off Amazon, cause I needed one and they were like $20 and then I was looking at these cool pens, even though I have 100 pens and 300 note books hahaha not really but it feels that way sometimes, anyway I was really, really proud because I talked myself out of the new weekly planner, and the pens. I decided to use one of my awesome notepads I already have and it was a great feeling, it made me feel better overall.

We had pizza today, normally we have pizza Friday religiously. But this week things got mixed up and we had it today instead.

Mildly bummed I don't get to see mountain man tomorrow but I'll see him soon enough, and right now it's good to have a little break to get my goals in order and my studying done.

Below are the a few photos from the day...

My work on my notepad or my weekly spread, plus my beautiful elk cut, the sun shine was gorgeous today, warm and toasty!

 My pretty little breakfast....

 Epic, beautiful braid my sister did for me XOXO

 My friend did one of these epic photo windows for my birthday, or rather as a late gift. It's so awesome, now for getting it hung up, that may take a while as I've been busy but I love it!

More sunshine on my desk and work area, and my white kitty laying behind me while I worked on my notebook spread..

Homemade Vegan Goldfish Crackers

Just wanted to share my own take on this wonderful recipe. So I didn't use Vegan butter, but I used coconut oil, I wouldn't mind making the vegan version but I'm not even sure our local stores have vegan butter haha...

Here is the recipe, and here's Chloe's link to her awesome pro-vegan and vegetarian website:

http://chefchloe.com/recipes/on-the-side/vegan-goldfish-crackers.html

Ingredients

1. 1 cup whole wheat flour, plus extra for dusting work surface.
2. 2 tablespoons nutritional yeast.
3. 1/4 teaspoon onion powder.
4. 1/8 teaspoon turmeric.
5. 1 teaspoon sea salt.
6. 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper.
7. 5 tablespoons vegan butter.
8. 4 tablespoons cold water.

Preheat oven to 375 F and bake about 12 to 15 minutes

So I added some extra seasonings to mine but that was just a personal preference, I added a little cayenne. haha I'm a spicy freak! But everyone I had try them loved them and one of my friends came over and her and her boyfriend loved them. Went well with Chili soup. Also I didn't have time to order or create a goldfisher cutter, so I used a dolphin and butterfly. I found with my dough that if it dried out as I was rolling it or dusting with flour, I just added some of the cold water and sort of re-kneaded it in to soften it up some then rolled it out again.

I loved Chloe's website and her take on these crackers, because I used to eat so many goldfish crackers a couple years ago for snacks and I knew they weren't that great for you, but I loved them, of course since then I've been wanting to do something healthier and I just really love these!!

I want to try my own pretzels soon to, the crunchy ones, not the soft ones....

Follow up to my weekly goals...

So I love lists, staying organized and focused ( as much as you can without causing yourself to much frustration). I wrote up a post for weekly goals and I stuck to it really well, here's my list of what else I got done, or didn't get to. technically I have tomorrow to finish a few things out if I want to.

#long walk (Maybe if Sunday is nice, but lately it's been -12 F just a little to cold for walking outside, I wanted to get my butt to the gym this week, but study took up a lot of time. Guess this can be a next week goal, normally I walk daily.)

#Bake Vegan Goldfish Crackers (They came out surprisingly well, I added some extra spices to mine, such as cayenne, garlic powder, extra salt, I'll  do a separate post for how they came out)

#Organize recipe and fitness binder

#Follow more study blogs for inspiration

#Be Kind, Give compliments (normally I'm good at this, only gave myself a reminder because when I get anxious or stressed my kind factor kinda takes a back set)

#Get at least 2 pages of book editing done, or 2 pages written

#Yoga every morning this week

#Paint some more on my big painting (I've only done a little on this, enough to mark it out, hope to do more next week.

#5 hours of studying in (Hard to believe I got this done. Really proud.)

#Draw the picture I'm working on for sis

Vegan crackers 

It's one of those cozy 6am post, I'm writing on journal entries. Sipping coffee and can hear the downstairs fire crackle every now and again. What a great day to be alive!!
That's how I'm feeling right now, a little tired, a little stressed, but isn't it a wonderful feeling to know you're warm and safe and that people love you?
I was just struck with that, as
I often am. Even when we're having a bad day if we could only try stepping back, focusing on what all we have to be thankful for, the positives. We'd feel so much better.
This is as much a post to remind myself as anyone reading it. Sometimes I'm depressed and angry for odd reasons, sometimes not sure of the reason.
Everyone feels this once in a while, or maybe you're one of those awesome people who don't feel this way as much, my point is you're not alone...

Oatmeal and dealing with deep winter

My yummy dinner from last night. You wouldn't believe how delicious oatmeal and ice cream or talanta or frozen yogurt is together, unless of course you've had it. My boyfriend turned me on to this. And it's so good, there's loads of combinations, we've done a lot of them. From frozen and fresh fruit to mixed nuts and almond milk oh and honey
Mine last night was vanilla bean yogurt and oatmeal with stevia to sweeten and vanilla flavoring. SO DELICIOUS!! 😛

 

In other news, I've accomplished a lot of my weekly goals, which makes me really proud! Like already have in 2 hours of studying, found several new inspirational study blogs to follow, gotten yoga in every day except one. Hopefully I can stay the course and accomplish even more goals. It's such a good feeling. I'm the type of person who enjoys structure and staying busy, I tend to get depressed when I'm not busy so it can make even things like studying really difficult, I'd prefer to be outside and with these days you can't be outside very long when it's -5 below zero Fahrenheit, staying focused on goals in the winter helps a lot.

The things I do go out for, are like chores, to pet my horse, run around a little, if you want snow balls are always fun, or building a snow man. Then there's coffee, hot chocolate or tea when you come back in to warm up...love this feeling. 

How does winter affect your mood and goals?

Have you ever tried oatmeal and frozen yogurt, or a vegan substitute?

Pets, adoption, breeds and types?

Some people have dogs, I wouldn't mind getting a dog eventually, I've always wanted a golden retriever, the really white/blonde colored ones or a shar pei. But my current indoor pet, is the exceptionally pompous and hairy Venice. (adopted from our local shelter, she's a proper ornament)

 Dogs I might want in the future .. anyone reading this kind of want a dog eventually? When you have enough room, or money to take care of them?

I would also like to adopt a puppy, I'm big on adoption (I've already adopted a horse and a kitten) horses, humans, dogs haha. It's just sometimes seems people are quick to create new life, but there are some man in need of help.....

Weekly Goals

Hello
Considering it's Wednesday, maybe some of the week is over but I have already accomplished some of my goals and I wanna put them on here so I can look back at all my progress.

#Be Kind, give compliments

#Paint some more on my big painting

#Draw the picture I'm working on for sis

#Do yoga every morning this week (I missed yesterday, but got Monday. After Holidays, you'll know how that can be.

#Take a long walk, if it's warm enough too

#Get at least 2 pages of book editing done, or write 2 pages.

#Bake Vegan goldfish crackers ( recipe I found online nearly 2 years ago, I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN IT MADE!!

#Organize recipe and fitness binder

#Follow some more studyblr blogs for inspiration!!! (I'm pretty much obsessed with them anyway and I enjoy making my own studyblr posts hehe)

#The Harder part. GET AT LEAST 5 HOURS STUDYING IN!!!!

(FOR MY OWN RECORD THESE WEEKLY GOALS RUN SUNDAY-TO SUNDAY. Because I can always break things down and do easier stuff on the weekend)

Life at the moment and random thoughts

Hello!

Wanted to write a post yesterday about the day but was literally so busy I never got to. It wasn't really a work in a regular way type day but I've had a ton of organizing to do, some work with studying and this cool fitness/inspiration binder that I have...

I did yoga yesterday morning and a good long set of stretching etc, felt so lovely. If there is one thing I truly love and respect in this world, it's yoga, even basic yoga clears my mind! Which also brings me to a random fact, I want to start conquering more difficult yoga poses this year. I did accomplish a new difficult yoga pose last year, which made me really proud. of course living on my own without as many people around made doing yoga really easy.

I haven't felt great the last couple days either, just kind of depressed and like I'm on the edge of catching something, hope I don't. I've been taking lots of vitamins so we'll see, mostly what I feel I'm lacking is sleep, and some of my depression could be linked to mountain man leaving on Sunday :(
I mean I had some things I needed to do but I don't like not being around him. At the same time I enjoy being on my own and doing my own thing. I guess It's cause I know that relationship the best, I haven't dated much and there's a good reason for it (I'm not judging anyone if they love dating or they're married, some people need their person) and in a way my people have always been my family, even though sometimes they frustrate me, I guess that's a normal family thing and maybe I'm really weird?

Other weird thoughts...
I'm trying to decide what to do with me life this spring and summer. We grow a big garden and sell produce so that's always a busy summer thing, Of course this year, I get to add boyfriend to that mix and it should make things interesting.
I'm also wondering already if we need to be closer then we are, like should I move closer to him, or what....ugh IDK some many thoughts swirl through your mind it's ridiculous. I like what I'm doing in life right now as far as growing things being involved with the earth and my horses, my boyfriend, my fitness and yoga etec but sometimes I feel like I need to start a direction. Some days I just feel I need to go to college, I wanted to when I was younger but personal problems ruled it out for quite a few years and then I was drawn in other directions, now I just sometimes hate myself for everything and I have a lot of problems, anyway I could wine about that or try to figure things out from here and move forwards. After all past is past.
So I wonder, try to do some college even though I'm older? Or just keep doing my alternate directions...I adore writing and drawing/painting, I plan on publishing my book within the next 6 years or so (hopefully the next 2 years) and I'd love to sell some art, maybe I'll post some of my art on my blog to amuse myself with :D,
Other plans include buying a more experienced trail horse (Arabian breed of course, they are also my favorite, I've owned several and have a gelding I'm working with right now). I have one I'm kind of looking at right now, named Playboy, such a cute name right? hehe I'll post a photo of him on here, he's an adoption, which is even better. I adopted an Arab once before and lost him to colic not long after, I was so so sad and cried a lot over that, he was my favorite horse ever!!
I also want to buy some land and I need to get new tires for my vehicle before I travel bad icy roads to visit my boyfriend.

See so much to do and so much to accomplish, this post just kinda became a mess of thoughts and goals...
Now for a few pictures....

                         I needed an energy drink to get through yesterday haha and an apple

 blurry pink sunrise this morning.

Hello wide world or great silence that I'm speaking to.
I've been wanting to blog more, and every year so far I don't get to it. I realized just now, looking at my shabby, little, neglected blog that I also only seem to get something done about this situation on December 31st, coming into the new year and I have a burst of energy and write a yearly review and intend to go further from there...
Now in the past, I didn't have this lightweight laptop that I know have. Makes things incredibly easier then usual. and my years have been super busy, since like 2013, when I tried writing and blogging some. Not to get confused, I do write constantly, but it's that I'm writing on my book not on a blog. This year I really do wanna find time for both and all but we shall see. I hope to do better. I am looking at another busy year, I have a steady boyfriend. We've known each other since I was about 5. Right now, we're doing a five hour long distance thing though, we're sometimes I'm there and sometimes he's here for a bit, it can be exhausting and he has no internet service.
I will refer to him as my mountain man, since that's what I call him on a regular basis...other things to balance coming into the new year, 2017, is health, fitness, yoga, family, hopefully some studying/college, and lots of horse and garden work, also camping, and more hunting in the fall of 2017, it sounds like an odd mix of everything and maybe it is but I happen to like the chaos that's my life,
So here's a little review were i just try to be positive about my life. Maybe a photo set to follow...
Laying by the warm wood stove, it's Saturday, my boyfriend is here, and so is my family, all kinda doing their own things at the moment. I trimmed Mountain Man's hair a few minutes ago and he took a shower,.. occasionally there's also the boom of fire words, marking the exit of the year.
Earlier today, I snuggled with mountain man, and felt blessed to be able to do so, we had some fun and got coffee, everyone was up and around kind of earlier. I guess Zach, my brother and his girlfriend and her mum are coming over mid morning and staying for lunch. My dad was trying to get a few things done on my vehicle and it ended up being annoying and tedious work, so mountain man and I went to town at like 9:30 to get them, we also picked up orange danish and cinnamon rolls for tomorrow. the spoiled way we occasionally have sunday morning breakfast.
The last day of this year, was mostly just cozy, although I did have some bad anxiety going on about what to actually do for the eve, drink champagne with fam and boyfriend of course, but I didn't want mountain man to feel like I'm a super boring person, there's so little to do as far as a night on the town, in our small little neighborhood, so I finally talked with him some and I felt so much better because he didn't feel that way at all, he's so relaxed and I'm so blessed to have him. so we did stay in, we ended up going through elk shed storied online, huge antlers people have found. and we had some chips and salsa, everyone else had played a game called catch phrase for hours and hours, and finally they quit, my brother and sister in law came back out around 10:30 and we chatted till midnight, we started drinking some champagne around 11;30 so we could properly enjoy it and we talked about the good times of the last year, mum dosed off, "resting her eyes" and dad was asleep haha then we had a cheer, and "clinked" glasses and BF and I kisssed, I don't felt great to have an actual cozy new year, last year, Abby and I spent New Years together in CO. drinking angry orchid and the year before that I spent with my ex in Florida, ugh not a good memory... so I just wanted to remember how great and calm this new year's eve is, and how blessed we are.

Ok, anyway that's getting of course of some of my review...
So onto things I'm proud of this year (2016):
Saved enough I was able to buy my vehicle.
Learned new yoga routines,
Got out of a unhealthy relationship.
Walked and ran a lot, like always (only this year the running tapered off after I moved back home)
Finally got my passport renewed.
Made 2 actual friends (Bre and Shay) although I moved and don't talk as much anymore, big step for me as I'm not a social person AT ALL.
Went out socially more in general.
Conquered some food fears, especially by traveling and trying some new people's baked food, which I'm afraid of (still not saying I want to do that to often haha)
Got moved and things closed down in Colorado ok.
Almost finished writing a book and did a ton of planning for my other series.
The biggest garden project we've ever taken on was a success, stayed very busy working at that through the summer and made profit, which I was proud of.
Began dating my boyfriend, in September 2016, such a wonderful shock!
More bond fires, which I stuck around for.
Built shelves for my mum in her basement.
Got back on my Arabian horse by myself.
Bought my camping gear.
Overcame many a day of depression and sadness,
Went elk hunting/shed hunting with my boyfriend and dad (beautiful scenery!)
Got to visit a new state, one I hadn't been to.
Wonderful thanksgiving and had a second thanksgiving which I've never done before, with my Mountain Man's family.

There's been stress but just as many happy days I think to balance them out. I worked out a lot this year and tried to stay focused. Of course there was things I didn't accomplish and some of that was because of the boyfriend distraction, which I hadn't anticipated at all...I'm getting things balanced there, finally, so I can include him in my other goals.
Next post will be about some goals of the new year. I'm not so into the strict resolutions thing but you do have to believe and inspire yourself....
Me precisely one year apart. I'm not sure there is a lot of difference, but I don't like the way I looked as much last year...