Thinking....

This post is just for me...I feel confused about what to do with this summer. Originally I was alright with just our farm fresh, "organic" gardening. But since the boyfriend thing and other thoughts I have floating around my mind and book publishing. I'm not sure it's healthy to be around my Dad for this long in this close of quarters. I mean I'm independent and so is everyone in our family, so strange topics come up that bother me around here.

 It's better when we're busy, but lately even our busy is around one another and it's wearing on me a little. I don't want to hate him and 5 or 6 years ago I was so frustrated at him I was close to pure hate and that's not right, my fam means so so much to me. Right now I'm also in between phones and he's driving me crazy convinced I need to use his phone to talk to my boyfriend, uggghhhh this might sound whiny but you'd have to know him, if you use something of his or he helps in some way, you're likely to never hear the end of it....

Other thoughts I've had is I got to finish my educational crap. I'd like to do some accredited online stuff for various degrees, and being home makes it easier, but sometimes I'm not sure it's worth it.
I want to see the ocean again, I want to live in Hawaii for a couple years, and I want to finish my book, I keep trying to stay focused on if I finish the book and it does sort of well, I could fuel my other plans and hopes, buy a house in Hawaii.
Then I feel stressed cause if things keep going ok with my boyfriend, would I be expected to just move to his place or does he want to move into my area? I dunno and I don't want to talk to him yet about it... we're only almost to 6 months of dating but our relationship is different since I've known him my whole life more or less. so we're closer in a different way then most people do. And I'm not 100% sure I want to move to where he lives, I mean I love the mountains, but it's  freezing and you can't grow plants, he doesn't like traveling in the way I do, I don't think he has any desire to go to Hawaii, he's not into other countries either, traveling to them, which is one of my dreams...lots of thoughts on top of all that, there's a lot of stress in my current home as two of my sisters are having boyfriend stresses themselves, making mine look pretty pathetic.

Mainly this post looks like I'm complaining and bitching, and actually I try to stay positive as much as possible, I mean even while writing this, I try to find the good things about my situation, it's just frustrating...

I hope things become clearer to me and I'm able to accomplish something in my life...