Accepting Change

A while back I was worried about future things with my boyfriend. Not worried in an end of the world way, but there's a lot of change that could happen there... when you've always enjoyed being single (for the most part) and use to doing what you want to do, it's difficult to think about these changes or even to accept them. I start to feel caged in, a little squirrely.
But getting some distance and prospective seem to help. I've been away from him for about 5 days and I've been mulling things over. It's simple but we, humans, over complicate things... everything really. If you love someone, they'll accept that you don't want to sit around doing nothing while they're working on their project or you have your own things to do. I worry about him not liking me eventually, when he knows the true me, the me that has a hard time sitting still, except to write on my books or draw and paint. I like to be doing something...
My boyfriend has known me most my life on and off, he's 19 years older then I am. No we don't argue, fight etc. the age difference might seem intense to some, but if you feel like you've found your soul mate it doesn't really matter as much. The thing is even though he'd known my family for like 25 years, there's thing's he doesn't know about me and I'm not good at discussing anything really...very socially inept. Writing is where I get out my feelings, some of them, it's a passion for sure.
Back on point. I decided while back here I've got to look at this differently, view it differently. I've always wanted to do more with school, there's not much for options here where I grew up. But where he is there's both a community college and a university. There's options there to further my education and for sure there's mountainous solitude to finish my book,
The final treat is my boyfriend there of course and I love him enough to do anything really. The more I'm away from him the more I realize just how much. The more my irritations quickly float away.
There's still massive downsides I'm not sure how to overcome, another passion is our garden and I  can't grow one there. Living there also puts me 5 hours from any of my family whom I'm really close to. But we have to trust God, we have to try, I can't let this opportunity pass me by, and hopefully it'll be a blessing. Goals will be achieved out of all this, the spin I out on it is up to me. I've got to make this a good thing, not a bad thing.
So here's to anyone else struggling with decisions and change... it may not be as bad as you think, it may be better.
For me there's still hurtles ahead, things I need to talk to my boyfriend about, that I have a hard time bringing up, one such thing being I don't want to live in an unfurnished house another 10 years, if we were to move in together I'm not sure his place even has enough room for me....
The spin is I'm at least trying to view this situations differently, in a brighter light, in God's light, that I hope he's shining and guiding me with....
Future posts may consist of job hunting, puppy searching!! Going to Florida for  a week with my little sister (maybe) oh so much gardening and baking for farmer's market...
IT IS GOING TO BE A BLESSED SUMMER 2017~

some beautiful cactus photos

Maybe out love cactus 😂 haha

I kept meaning to add some of these cactus photos of my mountain mans' and mine's ball cactus, it bloomed last week. Very beautiful!

Accomplishments and Random Thoughts...

Random photos, whilst on the phone with my boyfriend <3
I try to be productive when talking to him and one of the things that help that is having bluetooth headphones. I used to have some really high tech ones but they quit working, recently I got some new ones and they make my evenings on the phone with him better, I get to do yoga and stretch, paint, draw, organize, sort etc...
Does anyone else have a long distance relationship and find other things to do when on the phone? Or even a sibling. I'm the type of person who can only sit still so long haha

Last week's accomplishments were insanely good. My fam, along with my boyfriend we decided to begin our renovations on our dining room project. which we've been needing to do for about 6 years. It involved making a total mess out of the area, closing other rooms off with plastic and then bringing the walls and ceiling down. This is old place so these walls were fill with lathe boards, heavy plaster, insulation and pounds of fine dirt... it was so dirty, but we stay focused and had new sheet rock up before to long, mud and tape on and then ceiling texture and paint, now finishing up flooring and trim. It's been busy and a little disruptive to our daily life but its looking so amazing!!

old ceiling coming down

lathe board on ceiling

exposed...

new sheet rock and mud on

fresh paint!! awww

Any way construction and renovation can be so rewarding, I really enjoy it. Although sometimes when you're working on your own renovations things are sometimes a little more stressful.
And that's what I accomplished through the week. LOTS, I didn't get to focus much on yoga and I was in a strange mood while boyfriend was here, spent quite a lot of time trying to figure out what was wrong, but couldn't really. I think I was just going through a stage of depression actually. I don't date anyone normally, so sometimes I think I also go through weird thoughts of feeling trapped, this isn't his fault at all and I'm like arrgghhh what's wrong with me.

I don't want to be negative about it, I'm trying to look through things in a positive light, so enough of that. we'll figure it out, hope everyone had a productive week last week too, it doesn't feel like Monday still to me or April 3 haha

relaxed feet

Our feet are very important. we used them all day after all, just a reminder as much to myself as anyone reading to massage your feet nightly, or at the very least a couple times a week.
If you have bunions I found these 2 cool websites (thanks to my mum) which give some helpful ideas for natural remedies. I have slight salt buildups myself and I'm going to try these ideas after I order some bay leaves. The one recipe calls for massaging with olive oil which we do have so I'll probably try this sooner...

here are the websites. Of course all these take quite a bit of time and repetition so you may be in it for the long run.

POSITIVE MED
http://positivemed.com/2015/09/09/is-there-any-natural-ways-to-get-rid-of-bunions/

HEALTH & LOVE
http://organicdailypost.com/natural-recipes-for-getting-rid-of-bunions/

Back....

Back from a trip to the mountains or the low mountains... some days I wonder if it's ever gonna feel for sure; am I ever going to be confident in myself and my decisions?
I don't mean boyfriend decisions, I've spent 98% of my life without a boyfriend so I'm fine with doing things on my own, confident in that way. Sometimes I don't feel confident in my plans, or lack there of... If the future involves my BF in a more significant way, I'm not sitting around home all day, Here I'm almost always busy and I like it that way, so I worry about the things we have to talk about and the things I need to explain...
hurtles, hopefully ones I can overcome...

I've been so reminiscent of Florida today too, missing the sunshine and the sand, the beach, even the wind there seems different to me, for one thing I guess you can smell salt on the air; I do intend to go back....

on the way to Saint Augustine. 

Whilst in Florida, my boyfriend sent me this picture of the ocean, he said it matched my eyes best. I miss the idea of him.

Just one of many trips across the Sunshine Skyway Bridge.

Saint Augustine, I wanted to get a lot closer to the sailing ship then I did. I want to go here again!

Ahhh that stormy day, looking out on the untamed Atlantic Ocean for the first time.

Stop over in Orlando, view from a hotel me and my ex stayed in..

1 week off...hopefully

Hopefully getting a week off from work. Maybe going out to the "mountains" to see boyfriend tomorrow or tuesday. As much as I reaallly wanna see him, I'm already expecting to feel stressed or anxious... I've been feeling this way in great excess... I have a lot of studying I need to do and I haven't been able to get to much of it. As much as I'd like to blame someone else, it's mostly my fault and just being to busy with work and other small projects, including upcoming garden season, + the boyfriend who are monopolizing my time, and I love him and my projects but doesn't change the fact that I feel stressed at myself and a 5 hour drive tomorrow doesn't sound like a good topper to my nerves haha
But I've been missing him so, and so busy with work, a few days with him do sound great, of course I need to go pack the necessities and make sure to get his birthday gifts etc, etc

I did get a lot of my garden stuff done yesterday and I did some computer and billing things I needed to get done..whew

I try not to dwell on the future to hard, because It doesn't solve everything to do that but hard not to think about it some times, I wonder if we can even get through the summer and I don't mean break up, I just mean can I take all summer like this, with this whole 4 weeks apart thing, and I'm going to get busier as the summer comes in so it may mean less and less time for him...
I've been looking at places to live closer to him, and maybe this fall or next year I might move west...
My eldest brother announced his wedding last week too, it's not till the fall but it's another big upcoming event...

Long hair and sunshine...this is a wonderful feeling...

We also had such a great family dinner after work on Thursday, and then coffee and fruit parfaits. Parfaits are my favorite thing ever, really, as far as sweet desserts go. I'm not a fan of super sweet foods and random fact: I don't like chocolate (for the most part)

My adopted kitty, we decided she's a Turkish Angora decent, how exciting!

blahhhhhh

Just some photoblogs from the past weeks, love my curtains hung up, always wish the cedar tree out front was bigger and grander... sunsets are glorious, my hair curls came out good one day, I've been depressed lately and trying to get myself out of the funk... hasn't worked yet, even though I'm happy in other ways, boyfriend and I are on our 5 month anniversary and I love him. I sometimes just arrive at the conclusion that I'm a very, very weird person... but I try to remain positive, sometimes I make blogs posts about how I'm feeling and that makes me feel a lot better, so does chopping wood, or working out, ig I like the physical output as an outlet, I don't want to bring others down by being negative, so I hope this doesn't bring anyone down reading it, there's a lot to live for and be happy about

  

Weekend Again

I keep meaning to post before the weekend but it's been difficult to get to it with everything else there is to do, crazy how so many every day things get in the way, like showering, doing laundry, cleaning up, it could be just be cause I'm a neat freak...
I've been fretting over the weekend though, I need to go see my boyfriend but I'm also tired, really want to see him at the same time. ughh if I go, I'll probably miss monday work which isn't all bad, but not all good either just cause the work is important to me...
On top of that, everything around our place needs work, firewood cut, the sewer is having problems yet again...I need to put my new tires on my vehicle. trim my horses hooves....
La Di Da
So many thoughts zooming around my mind, I'm worried sometimes that I think to much, I've been told that sometimes....

IT'S THE WEEKEND~~

So happy to see the weekend come after my 40 hour work week, very thankful for the work, but it's a little tiring and its very difficult to balance boyfriend, study, writing, family time and that much work, but anyway very happy o have 2 days to myself and my fam. Boyfriend's birthday is next week. I don't think I'l be able to be there on the exact day (cries) but hopefully not long after, so I have to get him his gift and prepare his birthday card, I'm gong to try to create him one, loosely based on one I found on Pinterest.
So today I'm writing, did a nice yoga set earlier, delicious lunch, terrible headache and I would like to go for a walk, but who knows, it's very windy, and a little chilly here today...

for now here's some positive vibes pictures I found round the net....

Thinking....

This post is just for me...I feel confused about what to do with this summer. Originally I was alright with just our farm fresh, "organic" gardening. But since the boyfriend thing and other thoughts I have floating around my mind and book publishing. I'm not sure it's healthy to be around my Dad for this long in this close of quarters. I mean I'm independent and so is everyone in our family, so strange topics come up that bother me around here.

 It's better when we're busy, but lately even our busy is around one another and it's wearing on me a little. I don't want to hate him and 5 or 6 years ago I was so frustrated at him I was close to pure hate and that's not right, my fam means so so much to me. Right now I'm also in between phones and he's driving me crazy convinced I need to use his phone to talk to my boyfriend, uggghhhh this might sound whiny but you'd have to know him, if you use something of his or he helps in some way, you're likely to never hear the end of it....

Other thoughts I've had is I got to finish my educational crap. I'd like to do some accredited online stuff for various degrees, and being home makes it easier, but sometimes I'm not sure it's worth it.
I want to see the ocean again, I want to live in Hawaii for a couple years, and I want to finish my book, I keep trying to stay focused on if I finish the book and it does sort of well, I could fuel my other plans and hopes, buy a house in Hawaii.
Then I feel stressed cause if things keep going ok with my boyfriend, would I be expected to just move to his place or does he want to move into my area? I dunno and I don't want to talk to him yet about it... we're only almost to 6 months of dating but our relationship is different since I've known him my whole life more or less. so we're closer in a different way then most people do. And I'm not 100% sure I want to move to where he lives, I mean I love the mountains, but it's  freezing and you can't grow plants, he doesn't like traveling in the way I do, I don't think he has any desire to go to Hawaii, he's not into other countries either, traveling to them, which is one of my dreams...lots of thoughts on top of all that, there's a lot of stress in my current home as two of my sisters are having boyfriend stresses themselves, making mine look pretty pathetic.

Mainly this post looks like I'm complaining and bitching, and actually I try to stay positive as much as possible, I mean even while writing this, I try to find the good things about my situation, it's just frustrating...

I hope things become clearer to me and I'm able to accomplish something in my life...

Hello
Quick update to say weekly goals didn't go according to plan. Went and stayed with boyfriend and now he's here for a few days, helping with work.
But oh well no need to feel down. We had a great time despite frigid mountain temperatures, including walking atop frozen drifts of snow, I haven't done that since about age 10...Maybe if that....
Been having thoughts though again, some anxiety of things I need to get done, studying that needs to be done, writing and was having some thoughts of moving. I don't know if I would, but it keeps popping up.

Weekly Goals 9th to 15th

Just doing another post for weekly goals, feel free to skip this post

#Study (would like to get in more like 12 hours in, minimum of 8 hours)

#Go to the gym  (I'm very active but sometimes my activity is like walking, or jogging near where I live and the gym is 15 minutes away)

#Get my HS card done with

#Shop for tires for my vehicle

#book editing & writing

#squeeze in some higher cardio workouts

#If weather permits do something with my horse

#Hang up my frame from my buddy

Sunday In Photos

Just a photo update from my Sunday, It's been a good day all in all... we had breakfast, I made some delicious french toast and an egg, which I never normally have. I adore my elk cup so much from my boyfriend. Gosh I haven't seen him for a full week now. But I should get to see him on tuesday maybe I don't know, hope so. I feel stressed today again blaaaah sometimes I hate Sunday. and I shouldn't word it like that, I really dislike it, unless I'm working out or doing something physical.

I was really proud today though. I was really close to ordering a new weekly planner off Amazon, cause I needed one and they were like $20 and then I was looking at these cool pens, even though I have 100 pens and 300 note books hahaha not really but it feels that way sometimes, anyway I was really, really proud because I talked myself out of the new weekly planner, and the pens. I decided to use one of my awesome notepads I already have and it was a great feeling, it made me feel better overall.

We had pizza today, normally we have pizza Friday religiously. But this week things got mixed up and we had it today instead.

Mildly bummed I don't get to see mountain man tomorrow but I'll see him soon enough, and right now it's good to have a little break to get my goals in order and my studying done.

Below are the a few photos from the day...

My work on my notepad or my weekly spread, plus my beautiful elk cut, the sun shine was gorgeous today, warm and toasty!

 My pretty little breakfast....

 Epic, beautiful braid my sister did for me XOXO

 My friend did one of these epic photo windows for my birthday, or rather as a late gift. It's so awesome, now for getting it hung up, that may take a while as I've been busy but I love it!

More sunshine on my desk and work area, and my white kitty laying behind me while I worked on my notebook spread..

Homemade Vegan Goldfish Crackers

Just wanted to share my own take on this wonderful recipe. So I didn't use Vegan butter, but I used coconut oil, I wouldn't mind making the vegan version but I'm not even sure our local stores have vegan butter haha...

Here is the recipe, and here's Chloe's link to her awesome pro-vegan and vegetarian website:

http://chefchloe.com/recipes/on-the-side/vegan-goldfish-crackers.html

Ingredients

1. 1 cup whole wheat flour, plus extra for dusting work surface.
2. 2 tablespoons nutritional yeast.
3. 1/4 teaspoon onion powder.
4. 1/8 teaspoon turmeric.
5. 1 teaspoon sea salt.
6. 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper.
7. 5 tablespoons vegan butter.
8. 4 tablespoons cold water.

Preheat oven to 375 F and bake about 12 to 15 minutes

So I added some extra seasonings to mine but that was just a personal preference, I added a little cayenne. haha I'm a spicy freak! But everyone I had try them loved them and one of my friends came over and her and her boyfriend loved them. Went well with Chili soup. Also I didn't have time to order or create a goldfisher cutter, so I used a dolphin and butterfly. I found with my dough that if it dried out as I was rolling it or dusting with flour, I just added some of the cold water and sort of re-kneaded it in to soften it up some then rolled it out again.

I loved Chloe's website and her take on these crackers, because I used to eat so many goldfish crackers a couple years ago for snacks and I knew they weren't that great for you, but I loved them, of course since then I've been wanting to do something healthier and I just really love these!!

I want to try my own pretzels soon to, the crunchy ones, not the soft ones....

Follow up to my weekly goals...

So I love lists, staying organized and focused ( as much as you can without causing yourself to much frustration). I wrote up a post for weekly goals and I stuck to it really well, here's my list of what else I got done, or didn't get to. technically I have tomorrow to finish a few things out if I want to.

#long walk (Maybe if Sunday is nice, but lately it's been -12 F just a little to cold for walking outside, I wanted to get my butt to the gym this week, but study took up a lot of time. Guess this can be a next week goal, normally I walk daily.)

#Bake Vegan Goldfish Crackers (They came out surprisingly well, I added some extra spices to mine, such as cayenne, garlic powder, extra salt, I'll  do a separate post for how they came out)

#Organize recipe and fitness binder

#Follow more study blogs for inspiration

#Be Kind, Give compliments (normally I'm good at this, only gave myself a reminder because when I get anxious or stressed my kind factor kinda takes a back set)

#Get at least 2 pages of book editing done, or 2 pages written

#Yoga every morning this week

#Paint some more on my big painting (I've only done a little on this, enough to mark it out, hope to do more next week.

#5 hours of studying in (Hard to believe I got this done. Really proud.)

#Draw the picture I'm working on for sis

Vegan crackers 

It's one of those cozy 6am post, I'm writing on journal entries. Sipping coffee and can hear the downstairs fire crackle every now and again. What a great day to be alive!!
That's how I'm feeling right now, a little tired, a little stressed, but isn't it a wonderful feeling to know you're warm and safe and that people love you?
I was just struck with that, as
I often am. Even when we're having a bad day if we could only try stepping back, focusing on what all we have to be thankful for, the positives. We'd feel so much better.
This is as much a post to remind myself as anyone reading it. Sometimes I'm depressed and angry for odd reasons, sometimes not sure of the reason.
Everyone feels this once in a while, or maybe you're one of those awesome people who don't feel this way as much, my point is you're not alone...