I've been so reminiscent of Florida today too, missing the sunshine and the sand, the beach, even the wind there seems different to me, for one thing I guess you can smell salt on the air; I do intend to go back....

on the way to Saint Augustine. 

Whilst in Florida, my boyfriend sent me this picture of the ocean, he said it matched my eyes best. I miss the idea of him.

Just one of many trips across the Sunshine Skyway Bridge.

Saint Augustine, I wanted to get a lot closer to the sailing ship then I did. I want to go here again!

Ahhh that stormy day, looking out on the untamed Atlantic Ocean for the first time.

Stop over in Orlando, view from a hotel me and my ex stayed in..

1 week off...hopefully

Hopefully getting a week off from work. Maybe going out to the "mountains" to see boyfriend tomorrow or tuesday. As much as I reaallly wanna see him, I'm already expecting to feel stressed or anxious... I've been feeling this way in great excess... I have a lot of studying I need to do and I haven't been able to get to much of it. As much as I'd like to blame someone else, it's mostly my fault and just being to busy with work and other small projects, including upcoming garden season, + the boyfriend who are monopolizing my time, and I love him and my projects but doesn't change the fact that I feel stressed at myself and a 5 hour drive tomorrow doesn't sound like a good topper to my nerves haha
But I've been missing him so, and so busy with work, a few days with him do sound great, of course I need to go pack the necessities and make sure to get his birthday gifts etc, etc

I did get a lot of my garden stuff done yesterday and I did some computer and billing things I needed to get done..whew

I try not to dwell on the future to hard, because It doesn't solve everything to do that but hard not to think about it some times, I wonder if we can even get through the summer and I don't mean break up, I just mean can I take all summer like this, with this whole 4 weeks apart thing, and I'm going to get busier as the summer comes in so it may mean less and less time for him...
I've been looking at places to live closer to him, and maybe this fall or next year I might move west...
My eldest brother announced his wedding last week too, it's not till the fall but it's another big upcoming event...

Long hair and sunshine...this is a wonderful feeling...

We also had such a great family dinner after work on Thursday, and then coffee and fruit parfaits. Parfaits are my favorite thing ever, really, as far as sweet desserts go. I'm not a fan of super sweet foods and random fact: I don't like chocolate (for the most part)

My adopted kitty, we decided she's a Turkish Angora decent, how exciting!

blahhhhhh

Just some photoblogs from the past weeks, love my curtains hung up, always wish the cedar tree out front was bigger and grander... sunsets are glorious, my hair curls came out good one day, I've been depressed lately and trying to get myself out of the funk... hasn't worked yet, even though I'm happy in other ways, boyfriend and I are on our 5 month anniversary and I love him. I sometimes just arrive at the conclusion that I'm a very, very weird person... but I try to remain positive, sometimes I make blogs posts about how I'm feeling and that makes me feel a lot better, so does chopping wood, or working out, ig I like the physical output as an outlet, I don't want to bring others down by being negative, so I hope this doesn't bring anyone down reading it, there's a lot to live for and be happy about

  

Weekend Again

I keep meaning to post before the weekend but it's been difficult to get to it with everything else there is to do, crazy how so many every day things get in the way, like showering, doing laundry, cleaning up, it could be just be cause I'm a neat freak...
I've been fretting over the weekend though, I need to go see my boyfriend but I'm also tired, really want to see him at the same time. ughh if I go, I'll probably miss monday work which isn't all bad, but not all good either just cause the work is important to me...
On top of that, everything around our place needs work, firewood cut, the sewer is having problems yet again...I need to put my new tires on my vehicle. trim my horses hooves....
La Di Da
So many thoughts zooming around my mind, I'm worried sometimes that I think to much, I've been told that sometimes....

IT'S THE WEEKEND~~

So happy to see the weekend come after my 40 hour work week, very thankful for the work, but it's a little tiring and its very difficult to balance boyfriend, study, writing, family time and that much work, but anyway very happy o have 2 days to myself and my fam. Boyfriend's birthday is next week. I don't think I'l be able to be there on the exact day (cries) but hopefully not long after, so I have to get him his gift and prepare his birthday card, I'm gong to try to create him one, loosely based on one I found on Pinterest.
So today I'm writing, did a nice yoga set earlier, delicious lunch, terrible headache and I would like to go for a walk, but who knows, it's very windy, and a little chilly here today...

for now here's some positive vibes pictures I found round the net....

Thinking....

This post is just for me...I feel confused about what to do with this summer. Originally I was alright with just our farm fresh, "organic" gardening. But since the boyfriend thing and other thoughts I have floating around my mind and book publishing. I'm not sure it's healthy to be around my Dad for this long in this close of quarters. I mean I'm independent and so is everyone in our family, so strange topics come up that bother me around here.

 It's better when we're busy, but lately even our busy is around one another and it's wearing on me a little. I don't want to hate him and 5 or 6 years ago I was so frustrated at him I was close to pure hate and that's not right, my fam means so so much to me. Right now I'm also in between phones and he's driving me crazy convinced I need to use his phone to talk to my boyfriend, uggghhhh this might sound whiny but you'd have to know him, if you use something of his or he helps in some way, you're likely to never hear the end of it....

Other thoughts I've had is I got to finish my educational crap. I'd like to do some accredited online stuff for various degrees, and being home makes it easier, but sometimes I'm not sure it's worth it.
I want to see the ocean again, I want to live in Hawaii for a couple years, and I want to finish my book, I keep trying to stay focused on if I finish the book and it does sort of well, I could fuel my other plans and hopes, buy a house in Hawaii.
Then I feel stressed cause if things keep going ok with my boyfriend, would I be expected to just move to his place or does he want to move into my area? I dunno and I don't want to talk to him yet about it... we're only almost to 6 months of dating but our relationship is different since I've known him my whole life more or less. so we're closer in a different way then most people do. And I'm not 100% sure I want to move to where he lives, I mean I love the mountains, but it's  freezing and you can't grow plants, he doesn't like traveling in the way I do, I don't think he has any desire to go to Hawaii, he's not into other countries either, traveling to them, which is one of my dreams...lots of thoughts on top of all that, there's a lot of stress in my current home as two of my sisters are having boyfriend stresses themselves, making mine look pretty pathetic.

Mainly this post looks like I'm complaining and bitching, and actually I try to stay positive as much as possible, I mean even while writing this, I try to find the good things about my situation, it's just frustrating...

I hope things become clearer to me and I'm able to accomplish something in my life...

Hello
Quick update to say weekly goals didn't go according to plan. Went and stayed with boyfriend and now he's here for a few days, helping with work.
But oh well no need to feel down. We had a great time despite frigid mountain temperatures, including walking atop frozen drifts of snow, I haven't done that since about age 10...Maybe if that....
Been having thoughts though again, some anxiety of things I need to get done, studying that needs to be done, writing and was having some thoughts of moving. I don't know if I would, but it keeps popping up.