Accepting Change

A while back I was worried about future things with my boyfriend. Not worried in an end of the world way, but there's a lot of change that could happen there... when you've always enjoyed being single (for the most part) and use to doing what you want to do, it's difficult to think about these changes or even to accept them. I start to feel caged in, a little squirrely.
But getting some distance and prospective seem to help. I've been away from him for about 5 days and I've been mulling things over. It's simple but we, humans, over complicate things... everything really. If you love someone, they'll accept that you don't want to sit around doing nothing while they're working on their project or you have your own things to do. I worry about him not liking me eventually, when he knows the true me, the me that has a hard time sitting still, except to write on my books or draw and paint. I like to be doing something...
My boyfriend has known me most my life on and off, he's 19 years older then I am. No we don't argue, fight etc. the age difference might seem intense to some, but if you feel like you've found your soul mate it doesn't really matter as much. The thing is even though he'd known my family for like 25 years, there's thing's he doesn't know about me and I'm not good at discussing anything really...very socially inept. Writing is where I get out my feelings, some of them, it's a passion for sure.
Back on point. I decided while back here I've got to look at this differently, view it differently. I've always wanted to do more with school, there's not much for options here where I grew up. But where he is there's both a community college and a university. There's options there to further my education and for sure there's mountainous solitude to finish my book,
The final treat is my boyfriend there of course and I love him enough to do anything really. The more I'm away from him the more I realize just how much. The more my irritations quickly float away.
There's still massive downsides I'm not sure how to overcome, another passion is our garden and I  can't grow one there. Living there also puts me 5 hours from any of my family whom I'm really close to. But we have to trust God, we have to try, I can't let this opportunity pass me by, and hopefully it'll be a blessing. Goals will be achieved out of all this, the spin I out on it is up to me. I've got to make this a good thing, not a bad thing.
So here's to anyone else struggling with decisions and change... it may not be as bad as you think, it may be better.
For me there's still hurtles ahead, things I need to talk to my boyfriend about, that I have a hard time bringing up, one such thing being I don't want to live in an unfurnished house another 10 years, if we were to move in together I'm not sure his place even has enough room for me....
The spin is I'm at least trying to view this situations differently, in a brighter light, in God's light, that I hope he's shining and guiding me with....
Future posts may consist of job hunting, puppy searching!! Going to Florida for  a week with my little sister (maybe) oh so much gardening and baking for farmer's market...
IT IS GOING TO BE A BLESSED SUMMER 2017~

some beautiful cactus photos

Maybe out love cactus 😂 haha

I kept meaning to add some of these cactus photos of my mountain mans' and mine's ball cactus, it bloomed last week. Very beautiful!

Accomplishments and Random Thoughts...

Random photos, whilst on the phone with my boyfriend <3
I try to be productive when talking to him and one of the things that help that is having bluetooth headphones. I used to have some really high tech ones but they quit working, recently I got some new ones and they make my evenings on the phone with him better, I get to do yoga and stretch, paint, draw, organize, sort etc...
Does anyone else have a long distance relationship and find other things to do when on the phone? Or even a sibling. I'm the type of person who can only sit still so long haha

Last week's accomplishments were insanely good. My fam, along with my boyfriend we decided to begin our renovations on our dining room project. which we've been needing to do for about 6 years. It involved making a total mess out of the area, closing other rooms off with plastic and then bringing the walls and ceiling down. This is old place so these walls were fill with lathe boards, heavy plaster, insulation and pounds of fine dirt... it was so dirty, but we stay focused and had new sheet rock up before to long, mud and tape on and then ceiling texture and paint, now finishing up flooring and trim. It's been busy and a little disruptive to our daily life but its looking so amazing!!

old ceiling coming down

lathe board on ceiling

exposed...

new sheet rock and mud on

fresh paint!! awww

Any way construction and renovation can be so rewarding, I really enjoy it. Although sometimes when you're working on your own renovations things are sometimes a little more stressful.
And that's what I accomplished through the week. LOTS, I didn't get to focus much on yoga and I was in a strange mood while boyfriend was here, spent quite a lot of time trying to figure out what was wrong, but couldn't really. I think I was just going through a stage of depression actually. I don't date anyone normally, so sometimes I think I also go through weird thoughts of feeling trapped, this isn't his fault at all and I'm like arrgghhh what's wrong with me.

I don't want to be negative about it, I'm trying to look through things in a positive light, so enough of that. we'll figure it out, hope everyone had a productive week last week too, it doesn't feel like Monday still to me or April 3 haha

relaxed feet

Our feet are very important. we used them all day after all, just a reminder as much to myself as anyone reading to massage your feet nightly, or at the very least a couple times a week.
If you have bunions I found these 2 cool websites (thanks to my mum) which give some helpful ideas for natural remedies. I have slight salt buildups myself and I'm going to try these ideas after I order some bay leaves. The one recipe calls for massaging with olive oil which we do have so I'll probably try this sooner...

here are the websites. Of course all these take quite a bit of time and repetition so you may be in it for the long run.

POSITIVE MED
http://positivemed.com/2015/09/09/is-there-any-natural-ways-to-get-rid-of-bunions/

HEALTH & LOVE
http://organicdailypost.com/natural-recipes-for-getting-rid-of-bunions/

Back....

Back from a trip to the mountains or the low mountains... some days I wonder if it's ever gonna feel for sure; am I ever going to be confident in myself and my decisions?
I don't mean boyfriend decisions, I've spent 98% of my life without a boyfriend so I'm fine with doing things on my own, confident in that way. Sometimes I don't feel confident in my plans, or lack there of... If the future involves my BF in a more significant way, I'm not sitting around home all day, Here I'm almost always busy and I like it that way, so I worry about the things we have to talk about and the things I need to explain...
hurtles, hopefully ones I can overcome...

I've been so reminiscent of Florida today too, missing the sunshine and the sand, the beach, even the wind there seems different to me, for one thing I guess you can smell salt on the air; I do intend to go back....

on the way to Saint Augustine. 

Whilst in Florida, my boyfriend sent me this picture of the ocean, he said it matched my eyes best. I miss the idea of him.

Just one of many trips across the Sunshine Skyway Bridge.

Saint Augustine, I wanted to get a lot closer to the sailing ship then I did. I want to go here again!

Ahhh that stormy day, looking out on the untamed Atlantic Ocean for the first time.

Stop over in Orlando, view from a hotel me and my ex stayed in..

1 week off...hopefully

Hopefully getting a week off from work. Maybe going out to the "mountains" to see boyfriend tomorrow or tuesday. As much as I reaallly wanna see him, I'm already expecting to feel stressed or anxious... I've been feeling this way in great excess... I have a lot of studying I need to do and I haven't been able to get to much of it. As much as I'd like to blame someone else, it's mostly my fault and just being to busy with work and other small projects, including upcoming garden season, + the boyfriend who are monopolizing my time, and I love him and my projects but doesn't change the fact that I feel stressed at myself and a 5 hour drive tomorrow doesn't sound like a good topper to my nerves haha
But I've been missing him so, and so busy with work, a few days with him do sound great, of course I need to go pack the necessities and make sure to get his birthday gifts etc, etc

I did get a lot of my garden stuff done yesterday and I did some computer and billing things I needed to get done..whew

I try not to dwell on the future to hard, because It doesn't solve everything to do that but hard not to think about it some times, I wonder if we can even get through the summer and I don't mean break up, I just mean can I take all summer like this, with this whole 4 weeks apart thing, and I'm going to get busier as the summer comes in so it may mean less and less time for him...
I've been looking at places to live closer to him, and maybe this fall or next year I might move west...
My eldest brother announced his wedding last week too, it's not till the fall but it's another big upcoming event...

Long hair and sunshine...this is a wonderful feeling...

We also had such a great family dinner after work on Thursday, and then coffee and fruit parfaits. Parfaits are my favorite thing ever, really, as far as sweet desserts go. I'm not a fan of super sweet foods and random fact: I don't like chocolate (for the most part)

My adopted kitty, we decided she's a Turkish Angora decent, how exciting!