blahhhhhh

Just some photoblogs from the past weeks, love my curtains hung up, always wish the cedar tree out front was bigger and grander... sunsets are glorious, my hair curls came out good one day, I've been depressed lately and trying to get myself out of the funk... hasn't worked yet, even though I'm happy in other ways, boyfriend and I are on our 5 month anniversary and I love him. I sometimes just arrive at the conclusion that I'm a very, very weird person... but I try to remain positive, sometimes I make blogs posts about how I'm feeling and that makes me feel a lot better, so does chopping wood, or working out, ig I like the physical output as an outlet, I don't want to bring others down by being negative, so I hope this doesn't bring anyone down reading it, there's a lot to live for and be happy about

  

Weekend Again

I keep meaning to post before the weekend but it's been difficult to get to it with everything else there is to do, crazy how so many every day things get in the way, like showering, doing laundry, cleaning up, it could be just be cause I'm a neat freak...
I've been fretting over the weekend though, I need to go see my boyfriend but I'm also tired, really want to see him at the same time. ughh if I go, I'll probably miss monday work which isn't all bad, but not all good either just cause the work is important to me...
On top of that, everything around our place needs work, firewood cut, the sewer is having problems yet again...I need to put my new tires on my vehicle. trim my horses hooves....
La Di Da
So many thoughts zooming around my mind, I'm worried sometimes that I think to much, I've been told that sometimes....

IT'S THE WEEKEND~~

So happy to see the weekend come after my 40 hour work week, very thankful for the work, but it's a little tiring and its very difficult to balance boyfriend, study, writing, family time and that much work, but anyway very happy o have 2 days to myself and my fam. Boyfriend's birthday is next week. I don't think I'l be able to be there on the exact day (cries) but hopefully not long after, so I have to get him his gift and prepare his birthday card, I'm gong to try to create him one, loosely based on one I found on Pinterest.
So today I'm writing, did a nice yoga set earlier, delicious lunch, terrible headache and I would like to go for a walk, but who knows, it's very windy, and a little chilly here today...

for now here's some positive vibes pictures I found round the net....

Thinking....

This post is just for me...I feel confused about what to do with this summer. Originally I was alright with just our farm fresh, "organic" gardening. But since the boyfriend thing and other thoughts I have floating around my mind and book publishing. I'm not sure it's healthy to be around my Dad for this long in this close of quarters. I mean I'm independent and so is everyone in our family, so strange topics come up that bother me around here.

 It's better when we're busy, but lately even our busy is around one another and it's wearing on me a little. I don't want to hate him and 5 or 6 years ago I was so frustrated at him I was close to pure hate and that's not right, my fam means so so much to me. Right now I'm also in between phones and he's driving me crazy convinced I need to use his phone to talk to my boyfriend, uggghhhh this might sound whiny but you'd have to know him, if you use something of his or he helps in some way, you're likely to never hear the end of it....

Other thoughts I've had is I got to finish my educational crap. I'd like to do some accredited online stuff for various degrees, and being home makes it easier, but sometimes I'm not sure it's worth it.
I want to see the ocean again, I want to live in Hawaii for a couple years, and I want to finish my book, I keep trying to stay focused on if I finish the book and it does sort of well, I could fuel my other plans and hopes, buy a house in Hawaii.
Then I feel stressed cause if things keep going ok with my boyfriend, would I be expected to just move to his place or does he want to move into my area? I dunno and I don't want to talk to him yet about it... we're only almost to 6 months of dating but our relationship is different since I've known him my whole life more or less. so we're closer in a different way then most people do. And I'm not 100% sure I want to move to where he lives, I mean I love the mountains, but it's  freezing and you can't grow plants, he doesn't like traveling in the way I do, I don't think he has any desire to go to Hawaii, he's not into other countries either, traveling to them, which is one of my dreams...lots of thoughts on top of all that, there's a lot of stress in my current home as two of my sisters are having boyfriend stresses themselves, making mine look pretty pathetic.

Mainly this post looks like I'm complaining and bitching, and actually I try to stay positive as much as possible, I mean even while writing this, I try to find the good things about my situation, it's just frustrating...

I hope things become clearer to me and I'm able to accomplish something in my life...

Hello
Quick update to say weekly goals didn't go according to plan. Went and stayed with boyfriend and now he's here for a few days, helping with work.
But oh well no need to feel down. We had a great time despite frigid mountain temperatures, including walking atop frozen drifts of snow, I haven't done that since about age 10...Maybe if that....
Been having thoughts though again, some anxiety of things I need to get done, studying that needs to be done, writing and was having some thoughts of moving. I don't know if I would, but it keeps popping up.

Weekly Goals 9th to 15th

Just doing another post for weekly goals, feel free to skip this post

#Study (would like to get in more like 12 hours in, minimum of 8 hours)

#Go to the gym  (I'm very active but sometimes my activity is like walking, or jogging near where I live and the gym is 15 minutes away)

#Get my HS card done with

#Shop for tires for my vehicle

#book editing & writing

#squeeze in some higher cardio workouts

#If weather permits do something with my horse

#Hang up my frame from my buddy

Sunday In Photos

Just a photo update from my Sunday, It's been a good day all in all... we had breakfast, I made some delicious french toast and an egg, which I never normally have. I adore my elk cup so much from my boyfriend. Gosh I haven't seen him for a full week now. But I should get to see him on tuesday maybe I don't know, hope so. I feel stressed today again blaaaah sometimes I hate Sunday. and I shouldn't word it like that, I really dislike it, unless I'm working out or doing something physical.

I was really proud today though. I was really close to ordering a new weekly planner off Amazon, cause I needed one and they were like $20 and then I was looking at these cool pens, even though I have 100 pens and 300 note books hahaha not really but it feels that way sometimes, anyway I was really, really proud because I talked myself out of the new weekly planner, and the pens. I decided to use one of my awesome notepads I already have and it was a great feeling, it made me feel better overall.

We had pizza today, normally we have pizza Friday religiously. But this week things got mixed up and we had it today instead.

Mildly bummed I don't get to see mountain man tomorrow but I'll see him soon enough, and right now it's good to have a little break to get my goals in order and my studying done.

Below are the a few photos from the day...

My work on my notepad or my weekly spread, plus my beautiful elk cut, the sun shine was gorgeous today, warm and toasty!

 My pretty little breakfast....

 Epic, beautiful braid my sister did for me XOXO

 My friend did one of these epic photo windows for my birthday, or rather as a late gift. It's so awesome, now for getting it hung up, that may take a while as I've been busy but I love it!

More sunshine on my desk and work area, and my white kitty laying behind me while I worked on my notebook spread..